Long term relationships, personal and business, can go up in smoke in a second when tempers flare. An article in a recent edition of the Kansas City Star offers a few strategies for keeping cool when tempers get hot.

1. Hold your tongue. When you're angry, anything you say can and will be used against you; if not now, in some future argument. Better to just say nothing. Don't be goaded into saying something mean or hurtful. It won't help, and you'll regret it.

2. Ask for more information. Many arguments are the result of poor communication. Clarification is better than confrontation.

3. Avoid inflammatory language. If you must speak, don't curse, don't insult, don't question motives or intelligence and don't bring up past offenses.

4. Take the high road. Admit you were wrong; even if you weren't. Promise to try harder. Say you are sorry.

5. Get a second opinion. Talk to someone else about the argument to get a more objective opinion.

6. Know thyself. Be aware of the issues and circumstances to which you respond with anger or frustration. If you can't avoid these, come up with a plan for responding calmly.

7. Take a deep breath. Smile. This will help you stay in control and drain away ill will.

8. What's at stake? Maybe it's your job, or a relationship with a large or long-time customer. Perhaps it's your marriage, or a relationship with a child, sibling or friend. Ask yourself if the expression of your temporary feelings of anger are worth the risk of permanently damaging a relationship you value.

9. Work it out. Go for a long walk, run or bike ride. Go play a game of racquetball or tennis. Lift weights. Use exercise to exorcise those bad feelings.

10. Get a good night's sleep. You're more likely to get mad or feel attacked when you've not had enough rest. You're also less able to control your tongue. See item No. 1.


--Source: Kansas City Star: The American Psychological Association, Mayo Clinic, Center for the Advancement of Health.